#firstworldproblems

I hate feeling ungrateful. I have an amazing life, family, friends, health, happiness. I have been given more in this life than any one person could ever deserve. My parents did and my mom continues to do everything for their 5 children. They give give give and we take take take. 

Last week I wrecked my car. It was no ones fault but my own. I was enjoying Jimmy Wayne singing to me after leaving girls night. I was the only one who didn't have a lick of alcohol. I had quit drinking 7.5 weeks prior. We colored in coloring books and giggled about silly nonsense and talked about more serious things in our lives. We ate n laughed n some of us cried. Some of us even fell asleep! (haha Saramay was tuckered out!) I glanced at the radio to turn up the volume and when I looked back up I saw a cement wall and a sharp turn thats nearly a U-Turn on La Jolla Colony Dr. It was too late for poor Handsome. I slammed on my breaks and tried to over correct, but I hit the wall and rolled 2.5 times. I woke up a few seconds later and Jimmy Wayne was still singing to me, that's how quit it all happened, only this time I wasn't singing along. I was hanging on my side from my trusty lap and shoulder belt crying hysterically. Not from anything but the shock of it all. Thanks for seatbelts, world. High Five. Mine and my wonderful tough 4Runner surely saved my life. With a bit of credit to God as well. I like to think He has some serious plans for my life. 

But doesn't that mean I should have jumped out of the car and ran to go do whatever it is He is calling me to do????!!!!

Here I am fighting with insurance for more money on my car, and thinking about what to do and all my options. Last week I was about 85% sure I wanted to buy not only 1, but 2 cars. I have wanted a vintage bronco for a few years now, but its not a practical car. Its not something you can drive every day. Its for the beach and fun. Its a toy. and that would be great n all, but here I am telling my mom I don't want a wedding because I would rather the $200,000 or whatever it may be to go towards building an orphanage and taking a trip with my husband and seeing the world and saving lives and making a real difference and bring awareness through my photos. but now I am being handed a check for nearly $22,000 and instead of doing anything for anyone else I want to buy 2 cars?!? 

No.

I need to quit talking and do. I need to quit saying I want to travel the world and bring awareness through my photography then not do anything about it. Who can get me there? Who can I talk to? Who should I be reaching out to. Over and over and over until I get what I want!?? Life is short. I gotta start now.