organized chaos

tonight will be an accumulation of thoughts and quotes. my mind is chaotic and all over the place with feelings of things that probably really dont matter. but occupying my mind all the same...



most girls have a plan to meet a guy and fall in love and have babies but i dont know if i have what it takes for everybodys regular plan. me.

"its not fun always thinking someone is out to steal from you or f*ck you. it makes trusting extremely difficult, not a fun feeling"-b.j.m.

"This is the thing: When you hit 28 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated. Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal. Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? … Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?” Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe … life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path."-unknown

Reasons

We are all
looking
for the right
reasons
to want to
get out
of bed
each and
every
bitter cold
morning.
-Tyler Knott Gregson-

maybe i never really knew you at all. me.

 

if love never fails, maybe i never found it. me.

 

c'est la vie.

SD 2012. 

hes just not that into you

Every few months, as painful as it may be, every girl should watch this movie. It is pure genius. And some of the best lines in any movie I have ever heard.




a. So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.

b. I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting.

c. People who get married are not to be trusted. You know why? Because if you were legitimately happy, honestly you wouldn't feel the need to make a big show out of it. You wouldn't have to broadcast it. They do it because they're insecure and because they think that getting married is what they're supposed to be doing now. And so they're lying to themselves and they're lying to others.

okay so maybe i dont necessarily agree with this one, but its stiil a good thought provoking quote :)

and last but not least...my personal favorite!

 

d. Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

THAT guy

if you're a girl you probably know or have known THAT guy at one point or another in your life. and if youre a guy you've probably known THAT girl...

hes THAT guy. you know. THAT guy you never thought you'd have. the guy you drool over, but never actually think you'll talk to. the guy thats so good looking that he makes you feel insufficient and insecure just being around him. and then he talks to you. and you think theres no way this guy could actually like you. and then he does. and then hes wonderful. when youre with him or talk about him or even think about him your knees buckle, your palms sweat, you have butterflies in your stomach and you feel like your 16 years old. hes THAT guy that makes you wanna feel that way about someone forever. and then he makes you feel like a million bucks because hes THAT guy that you never thought you could have and then you have him. or so you think. and then you blink and realize you never had him at all. and youre back to that insufficient lowly girl you were before he ever gave you the time of day.

hes THAT guy you wish you could hate. you see him after youre back to lowly insufficient girl and after all the things you had planned out in your mind of what you would do (kick him) or say (bleep you) all you can do is smile and laugh and sit and listen and wonder how the hell youre still wondering.

hes THAT guy that makes you play back in your mind every little detail of what you did or could have done or said differently. maybe if i had done this or brushed him off or played games or this that and the other then maybe, just maybe, things would be different.

and for once i could be the girl that gets THAT guy and keeps him.

hes THAT guy that your friends tell you not to believe. hes THAT guy that you cant trust because youre convinced hes so good looking that he has girls throwing themselves at him. hes THAT guy that you want to believe. you want so badly to believe every word he says even when it makes no sense at all. because for just once you want to believe that someone is telling you the truth. and that you shouldnt have to read into every word the guy you like says.

hes THAT guy thats married to some gorgeous super down to earth, low key, wonderful girl and you wonder how she did it.

hes THAT guy that pushes you to be better. that makes you strive to do more, and be more and show that you deserve THAT guy. and he deserves you.




or maybe, world wide web, maybe hes just an asshole

couples shower?

I read this at the beginning of my friend's blog the other day and its so perfect. its a wonderful opening note to a blog post. (or all of them)

"Oh man, I know I'm going to offend some people with this, though that's not my heart, intention, or motivation for writing out my thoughts here tonight...Just sharing some thoughts..."
 
the point is whether or not i offend you, it was never my intention. this is my blog, biatch :) if you dont like it, kick rocks! okay so, Adrienne said it a little nicer... the good news is no one blogs to stay in good standing with people. or maybe they do? but personally i think you just put all your shizzz out there and say "sorry, im not sorry" to anyone you may offend :) (that was for all you wedding crasher fans)

alright. lets get to the meat of it. shall we?

lets dissect the shower a bit, shall we?

maybe if i say shall we some more i will get my point across :)

okay... the shower...

a time for you. naked.

maybe you breathe. maybe you think. maybe you cry. maybe you pray. maybe you have a rubber ducky. maybe you listen to music. maybe you sing at the top of your lungs. maybe you sit in the shower. maybe you stand. maybe you hop. maybe you twirl. maybe you pick your nose.

(((hopefully you bathe)))

FOR ME it is a time to be alone. a time to pray and think and listen to music that my roommate doesnt want to hear. a time to sing along with no worries in the world. a time when i feel kind of somewhat comfortable being naked. kind of. (oh and yes, i bathe)

i hate nakedness. hate it.    h-a-t-e  i-t.

if i get in the shower after a long day at work i am most definitely going to have black mascara all over my face throughout the entire shower. and im naked.

if i get in the shower in the morning i will probably sleep standing up for about 10-15 minutes before i even realize where i am. and im naked.

the point is, it is not attractive.

no matter the circumstance

being in the shower is not a sexy thing. i have boogers coming out of my nose, i'm naked, i am constantly rubbing my eyes (just making the raccoon look even worse), im naked, i leave my conditioner in my hair while i wash my bod, im naked, i use a clarisonic face washer thats loud and beeps at me,  im naked, i take forever to shave my legs, im naked, and if the water isnt completely scalding hot and covering my entire body i am freezing. did i mention im naked? and i hate nakedness????

so no.

no, thank you.

no couples shower for me.

Ooo Bahaya

I don't know how I've gone all this time without telling you about my trip but its time....

I learned all sorts of fun new words and phrases and compared how they say certain things like or unlike us. They found such humor in "y'all" :)

Aussie lingo:

When they say...it means...

Pissed- drunk
Spewin'- mad
Heaps- a lot
Yew- yew (picture "surfs up" hand motion when saying this)
Have a shower- take a shower
Touch wood- knock on wood
Arvo -afternoon


Indonesian lingo:

Oooo Bahaya (bu-hi-yuh)- ooo danger
Nasi goreng- fried rice
Nasi goreng ayam- chicken fried rice
Selamat pagi- good morning (I said good morning all day and night because I couldnt remember the others)
Hati Hati- danger!
Tidak- no
Apa kabar? - How are you?


You'll be amazed at how often one would say "oooo bahaya". or "hati hati" Hahah made for some good jokes in indo and Australia.

The Indonesians are the coolest people ever. So friendly and happy and smiley but chill. And everything is dirt cheap. I ate "nasi goreng" for $2. A huge plate of it and a fried egg. They have this spicy sauce that is sooo bomb on everything. I could get a giant bottled water for 70 cents. Our home stays in bali and on the island were $20/night divided by two people and the hut we stayed at on the beach at the surfers spot on Lombok island was $8/night but divided by two people!!!

The backpackers that were traveling through indo were awesome too. Everyone was super friendly and open to going anywhere with anyone and being spontaneous. Everyone was on the "no plan" plan. It was so fun. I met three Aussies on the beach in gili trawangan who just said "oh we leave tomorrow for Lombok (another nearby island) wanna come?" people were so friendly. The poor guys strapped my big ol' pack on the back of one of the motor bikes and off we went. Went with my gut on the whole trip and met some great people that I believe I will be friends with for a long time.

Australia was a totally different feel than traveling in Indonesia. My mom met up with me so I got a break between the $4 hut and the hostel in manly. I got to stay in a few 4 and 5 star hotels where I could do laundry and had wifi and a shower and a western toilet and clean towels. It was a refreshing change and so nice to see my mom after being sick with Bali belly and home sick! we met in cairns and stayed at Harbor Lights. I was like a little kid that had never stayed in a hotel when we got there. Ive never been so excited to do laundry! We had an amazing time scuba diving and eating amazing food and traveling all over. We laughed sooo much.

Overall this trip definitely changed me. It was an eye opening experience and just the tip of the iceberg I hope!!! It was just a small taste of what I want to be doing, traveling the world-me and my camera.

just me and my camera, world wide web!

Better late than never??

8/9/2011

Current location: Desert's point on Lombok off of Bali. Been here since Saturday arvo (that's afternoon in Australian slang). Not sure when we are leaving. Either tonight or in the morning. My flight from Denpasar to Cairns, Australia is tomorrow night. I have had Bali belly since Friday and it's Tuesday. Rough. not sure when I will be able to post this. Maybe not until I get to Australia. I was using wifi on Saturday morning before we left the Gili Trawangan and the whole island lost power. Ridiculous. Pretty bad timing since I was leaving to come to such a remote place. We are sleeping on pads in these huts and there is a well to get water out of for our shower (bucket to dump on my head) and squatters. Pretty primitive over here. it's cool but not very fun for Bali belly. Ha. Bali belly definitely was makin me pretty homesick. I get to see my mom really soon. I'll be meeting her in cairns. I hope she's not worried since it's been a while since I've been able to text or email her.

Okay my trip thus far: So I got into Ubud, Bali on Saturday the 30th of July and fell asleep almost immediately after traveling for about 36 hours to get there. Courtney got in around 10pm and I barely woke up enough to open the door for her. Sunday we went to monkey forest and shopped around Ubud. Such a cute town and lots of people watching and nice little cheap restaurants so we took it easy.  The monkeys were hilarious. They are lil jerks. Ha stealing peoples water bottles or bananas or anything they could get their hands on. And grabbing ankles and growling. Ha. Then Monday we went on a volcano tour at 9am. It was neat no one else signed up for it the day Courtney and I did so we had a driver for the day and he took us all over!! We went to an Elephant Cave Temple, a holy water temple, to ride elephants, to see this crazy big rice terrace or rice patties, and we ate lunch over looking Mount Batur Volcano. It was a packed day and we saw so much! So after that we went back to the room for a bit then went to have dinner with a friend I went to high school with that just happened to be in ubud so that was wild! Super fun. Then we headed back and had to get some serious rest for our big 2am trek to the top of Mount Batur. wowzas. It was just that. A trek! They took us to have banana pancakes (more like a crepe here) and some hot tea then to the bottom of mount Batur. Putu was our precious Indonesian tour guide. It took about 2.5 hours to get up then we sat and watched the sunrise and took pictures. Courtney met two girls that were also teaching English in South Korea so that was pretty crazy. Then we walked a little farther to see the crater. They were these holes in the crater that were blowing hot air from the volcano! Whoa! Warmed up my freezing cold hands for about 2 seconds. Then back down the volcano. It was a little difficult with lots of slippery spots and loose rocks rolling all over but at least it wasn't pitch black like on the way up with a few crappy flashlights :)  so we made it back to the home stay around 10am and by 11:30 we were heading to ParangBai to get on a ferry to Gili Trawangan. What a day. I'll keep it g rated but gili trawangan is a pretty funny place. There was a meteor shower so that was amazing seeing heaps of shooting stars (one of my favorite aus words:heaps!)

It's now august 24 and I leave in 10 days! Ahh I'm in manly just outside of Sydney. wifi sucks and it's hard to take the time to blog when inhave so little time left in the sunburned country. A quick run through of what I miss: my bed, my nephews, my sister, warmth, (it's winter here, which is nothing like our winter, but still!), I miss people saying y'all, I miss my dogs!!!!, did I mention my bed?, I miss jif peanut butter, my roomie, my big Mac, I miss editing, I miss you. I miss dvr.

But instead of thinking of everything I miss I should enjoy my time here cuz I'll miss it in 10 days. I head to Byron bay tomorrow night at 10pm for a 12 hr bus ride. Should be a good time. Will have to give a full run through of the trip soon!

Making the sign of the Cross all the way to Bali

Dear God, I pray that we all make it to our destinations safely. Put a hedge of protection over all passengers, pilots, flight attendants, etc. Let your will be done in our lives. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Amen.

No I'm not catholic, or any other denomination for that matter, but being on all these airplanes has me making the sign of the cross like my dad did. 

Guess you're curious where I am going. I'm curious too :) Sabbatical Sally returns, but this time, on steroids. Not literally, of course. 

First stop (for longer than 4 hours): Bali, Indonesia and surrounding areas.
Duration: 10 days

Next stop: starting in Cairns, Australia and traveling down the east coast.
Duration: not sure? (Approx. 4.5 weeks)

When I say not sure I mean, I have a idea of when I think I'd like to come back, but I am actually not sure because I don't know where I will be when I am ready to come back or when that will be. So for now I have no ticket home. I have to leave on Sept 6 to make it back for my mom's shoulder surgery so that's the "plan" but who knows. I might head home early. Maybe I'll be missing my god son and nephews and family so badly that I want to leave behind the kangaroos and beaches and surfing and camping and beautiful scenery and hippy lifestyle :) love will make you do crazy things. 

What I left behind in Dallas: a house, bills, a roomie, sam flan, two dogs,  my crazy amazing momma, an awesome sister, an insane bro in law, and three fantastic nephews. One that was crying "ditdy, please take me on da airplane" as I was saying goodbye. So as of July 28th around 5pm pre boarding my first flight I was already homesick.

Flight from DFW to LAX (3 hours): In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. I flew Virgin America. Holy cow. It's lit by black lights with hot pink lights up above, the crew is cool, the safety instructions are funny talking about the .0001% of people on the plane that don't know how to fasten a  seat belt, and if you do Main Cabin Select its not quite first class but it's an upgrade worth making.you either pay $25 to check a bag or $69 for bag check,  Extra leg room (like I'm so desperate for extra leg room), personal tvs with free on demand movies, tv, radio, UNLIMITED FREE FOOD, DRINK, SNACKS!!!! Free absolute vodka, free jelly bellys, free fruit/cheese platter, free sandwich, free pringles, free snickers, free cokes, free premium alcohol. Let's just say it was an investment I do not regret and I came out ahead. It got to the point where I wasnt even hungry or thirsty, I was just waiting for them to say okay, you hit your max, you have to pay $100 for that mini water. But it never happened.  The people on either side of me must have known I was a Virgin America virgin. They had their wits about them while I was a 5 yr old in a candy store. They each had one mini bottled water and a bag of chips and a meal. HA and they think I'm the amateur. I wanted to scream "hey guys its free!!!!!!" Nothing in life is free. Especially on planes. You have to pay to use the pot now so don't even bother reminiscing the days when you got a full can of sprite and unlimited peanuts or pretzels. As if a $150 ticket to lax couldn't cover a can of coke and 10 measly pretzels. Ill tell my kids about the good old days just like my dad told me stories of paying 25 cents for a movie ticket. Okay jet lag is setting in and I'm off topic... Moving on...In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit.

What I left behind in LA: a yoga going, "chi" having, salmon making, hilariously broke, wishes he was eligible for unemployment, sweet talkin, obsessive compulsive while still managing to have a hippy personality, swagger old spice wearing brother that I love. Maybe too much. It was pure stupidity to arrive at LAX from DFW (pretty tipsy from said free alcohol) at 7:45pm, claim my bag, recheck my bag, and hop in a cab to head to Power Yoga in Santa Monica 20 minutes away to attend a 90 minute class from 8:30-10pm, shoot the breeze with some yogis, grab a Gatorade, small talk with my bro and his buddy, shower, wait for a cab, get in a cab that had no idea where the international terminal was, and hall ass across the airport to gate 144 by 10:50pm ( Just sounds far, doesn't it? Ya, It was.) Mind you, I'm luggin 50+ lbs worth of camera equipment, laptop, external hard drive, etc in two carry on bags. I made it by 11:28pm for my 11:50pm flight to Hong Kong. I was the last person to go through the gate and they escorted me to a bus that would take us to our plane with about 632 Hong Kong-anites looking pissed at me for holdin them up. Because we were all in such a hurry to get on our plane we would be on for 14 hours, apparently. And after all that pure chaos, it was so worth it. Told you I might love him too much.
Oh and a best friend I didn't get to see. Love ya Evvy. 

Flight from LAX to Hong Kong(13 hrs and 40 minutes):  In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Cathay pacific. window seat. Score! Except the people in the row were brutal. They didnt want to let me up for anything! Good thing I only peed once in 14 hours. I learned that the nice lesbian hong kong-anite sitting next to me is into nurses so that was interesting. Besides that I ate fish for dinner with the cutest silverware I've ever seen on a plane (which I saved them the trouble of throwing away) slept a bit, watched "Hall Pass", slept, attempted to watch  "Despicable Me", slept, slept, ate scrambled eggs, slept, and finally watched "Despicable Me". I can see why first class would be nice for only a few thousand dollars extra. ha. I was curled up in a ball like a normally due but the seat was jabbing me on the right and the heavier set lesbian was flowing into my area on my left. I was sore from yoga and exhausted but almost unable to sleep (for the first time in history, folks). Needless to say I was happy to make the sign of the cross when we landed and get the heck off that plane. Oh and a special shout out to my sister and her hubby for letting me borrow these phenomenal noise canceling headphones. Life savers.  In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit.

What I left behind in Hong Kong: an immigration form I never needed to fill out. Sorry I don't read Chinese and every other human on the plane did so they didn't feel the need to tell me where to go. I followed my plane mates to immigration then waited for my bag that would never arrive bc it's going straight from lax to Bali to then go up stairs, through security, and back through immigration. At least it gave me something to do at 4:45am in hong kong when I had over 5 hours til take off to Bali. Wifi didnt work. Nothing was open. And my gate wasn't displayed yet but if you're still reading this you should appreciate all that other wise I would have been distracted doing something besides blogging. Around 7:30am I grabbed McDonalds breakfast which makes me wanna throw up just talking about, then finally saw my gate number 19 displayed and headed there, curled up across a couple seats with my bags and the blanket I cleptoed from the previous flight and crashed til it was time to board the seemingly short 4 hour flight to Denpasar. 

Flight from Hong Kong to Bali (4 hours): In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Cathay pacific. Window seat. I was fully prepared to get on this plane, put on my noise cancelers and zone out but instead I waited to see who would sit next to me...ha. So glad I did. Meet Matt and Freja (pronounced fray-uh) Robinson from San Francisco. Together for 12 years, married for 4 of those years. Perfect hippy plane drunkards. I say plane drunkards because I don't actually think they are drunkards, just when they are 20 hour voyages, plus matt is afraid of flying. My entertainment for the following four hours would consist of stories of matt and freja's adventures all over the world and watching matt open the overhead compartment only to watch, not one, but two bags fall from the overhead compartment directly onto the woman's head in front of us and proceed to spill her drink. Oh and did I mention he was trying to get his 6 mini Jack Daniels bottles from his bag that he and Freja bought at the duty free shop in Hong Kong? Ha. Well the woman in front of us was furious and ended up writing out a report to the airline but it supplied the three of us in row 58 with a solid couple hours of laughter. And for that I thank both Matt and the woman in front of us for being the butt of our joke. Ahh it hurts. Oooo gaaa. My abs hurt from yoga. Whooo saaaa. So funny. Okay. 56 minutes til we land. Then an hour drive to Ubud to my hostel. I think the pool sounds amazing. Hmm do they have a pool? I looked at so many freaking hostels I can't even remember. I'm gonna rest for the remainder of the flight. In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit.

I ended up catching a ride with the San Franciscans to Ubud. Our places are about 3 minutes from each other. Courtney got in last night around 10pm. We will see where the wind blows us today :)

Have a good day world wide web