i want you to want me. cheap trick.

OPTIMISM is sanity for me right now.

great line from "How Do You Know?"

i couldnt think of a better line that would fit my night. or my situation. because anything besides optimism right now will drive me to complete insanity.

im not the optimistic type. in my life i have more been heavily persuaded that if i think negative i cant be let down.

if bad happens, i expected it. if good happens, im pleasantly surprised.

((my dad would be so angry with me if he heard me say that. he was the biggest believer in thinking positive thoughts. if you think you will win, you will. if you think you will get sick, you will. he was always telling us "the mind controls the body" so why i dont i live by that?? i dont know. i guess i just know that no one likes to be let down. no one likes disappointment. and so i have lived with this idea that i could get by with the 'id rather be pleasantly surprised than let down' thought.))

sounds depressing when i say it out loud, but i happen to be one of the most cheerful people i know :) 

and normally, this think negatively tactic would work fairly well for me, but there comes a time when you can physically drive yourself mad thinking about something over and over and talking and wondering. sometimes you can think so negatively that you can damage yourself. you can become depressed over thinking something is worse than it may actually be.

so tonight.... optimism. and silence. and prayer. and calm is what i choose.

here's to optimism, world wide web.