ode to kyle

this is an excerpt from my blog on January 30, 2011...

convo two: another friend i met in mexico but hes a precious canadian kid. ive actually stayed in touch with his bro more than him, but we had an awesome chat last night. he said some things i was so glad to hear. we talked about relationships and about pain and the way people handle stressful situations. we talked about how catastrophic some situations can be to some people. he said 

**"it is a scary thing, that a penny can derail thousands of tons of locomotive."** 

and he said "Managing change is the least possessed characteristic." take that in, chew on it...he was also helping me realize that you cant compare peoples pain. the worst day of my life might seem minuscule to the next and monumental to someone else. i was judging someone for the way they handled situations and thinking "was that really the worst day of your life?" cuz i know that dec 13, 2006 was probably the worst day of my life. the day my dad had a massive heart attack and died a month after having a full physical. i also know some other people who have lost children or best friends or spouses in horrific ways so it became easy for me to scoff when people use the phrase "worst day of my life," but this talk last night really helped me see that one person's pain cannot be compared to another.

what a great night of amazing talks with two friends. i thank God for putting these guys in my life and opening my eyes to some things that i did not think of until they brought it to my attention. and paul and kyle, if you are reading this, thank you. for today, you have inspired me. 

What is so crazy about my conversation with Kyle that cold night in Colorado via facebook is I feel I was leaning on him!!! AND HE LET ME, when he was hurting so badly. But that was his point. He honestly did not feel that his pain of losing Mark in the house fire that he made it out of was greater than my heartache. His pain was so great that he is no longer here on earth with us. He could not bare to live with the pain that he felt. We hadn't talked in years and he opened up to me more than some of my closest friends ever will. He taught me such great and valuable lessons about life and how to never compare ones pain to another. He told me about sitting in counseling multiple times a week with people who he had to consciously remind himself not to think "thats way worse than what I am going through." If I had a penny for every time I have shared this wisdom that Kyle so graciously gave to me I would be a rich woman.

I will never forget the conversation we had in January. You changed my perspective on life and gave me a better understanding of others pain. O Kyle, if only I could have helped you heal the way you helped me. So with tear filled eyes I will tell you...I am eternally grateful for the wisdom you have shared with me. Your warmth, laughter, smile, and spirit will never be forgotten. And I know Jordan (canada boy) and I will remain friends for many years to come (just like you wanted!!!) I love you Big Red.
love, your Oklahoma girl

http://www.facebook.com/notes/nathan-fairbairn/eulogy-for-kyle-alexander-schroter/10150236438366054girl