naivety

Okay...i have figured out what it is about being optimistic that is hard for me. i feel like optimism is right up there with naivety. and unfortunately for me i feel i have spent a large majority of my 23 years being naive.

	naïveté
	to be unaware, uneducated. lacking experience with everyday life. Natural or artless simplicity. Pure, unknowing, uninformed; stupidly innocent. usually applies to lacking wisdom with lesser age.

knowledge is power? or ignorance is bliss?

i will say i can remember playing a game with friends in september 2009 and i know i answered that question with ignorance is bliss.

what an idiot.

i mean i still agree. ignorance is much more blissful. but can one live with their head in the clouds? always believing other people? and continuing to get knocked down? its a fine line between having your guard up so much that you never let anyone in and being too naive and maybe -optimistic- to think they could pleasantly surprise you. you cant be so naive to ignore the things that are right in front of your face(book) right?


hmmm...

My friend Brttany said to me the other day "Its a crazy rollercoaster of a life we live in!"

it sure is, world wide web.

i want you to want me. cheap trick.

OPTIMISM is sanity for me right now.

great line from "How Do You Know?"

i couldnt think of a better line that would fit my night. or my situation. because anything besides optimism right now will drive me to complete insanity.

im not the optimistic type. in my life i have more been heavily persuaded that if i think negative i cant be let down.

if bad happens, i expected it. if good happens, im pleasantly surprised.

((my dad would be so angry with me if he heard me say that. he was the biggest believer in thinking positive thoughts. if you think you will win, you will. if you think you will get sick, you will. he was always telling us "the mind controls the body" so why i dont i live by that?? i dont know. i guess i just know that no one likes to be let down. no one likes disappointment. and so i have lived with this idea that i could get by with the 'id rather be pleasantly surprised than let down' thought.))

sounds depressing when i say it out loud, but i happen to be one of the most cheerful people i know :) 

and normally, this think negatively tactic would work fairly well for me, but there comes a time when you can physically drive yourself mad thinking about something over and over and talking and wondering. sometimes you can think so negatively that you can damage yourself. you can become depressed over thinking something is worse than it may actually be.

so tonight.... optimism. and silence. and prayer. and calm is what i choose.

here's to optimism, world wide web.

2011: the year of the rabbit (replace with TRAVEL)

2011 is rockin my socks off. The year of travel for sabbatical sally. It started with the sabbatical around the midwest and west coast. Now I am planning trips later this year to Africa, Bali, Australia, and El Salvador. Heck yes.

I don't wanna tell my kids "Travel while you're young or before you start a family or before you have a career or before it's too late... I wish I had!"

I'm not gonna be that lady that says she wishes she had. I am doin it! I'm saving to travel. I don't know if I'll be here tomorrow so why not go today.

I wanna be a hippie. A jet setter. A nomad. A gypsy. A free spirit. A roaming soul. a vagabond. a gallivanter. a globe-trotter. an adventurer. you get the point :)

I don't wanna let anyone tell me I can't

i want *perpetual travel*

((while i still can...before i start a family, before i have a career, before its 'too late'))

if you ask why ill say why the heck not, world wide web?

leave the pieces. the wreckers.

In the end, those who are successful are those who adjust and adapt to the decisions they have made and make the best of them.

humans sin. we all sin. even people who love and follow Jesus sin. the beauty is God sent his son to die on the cross so that we may be forgiven for our terrible sins. we all have to live with our sins and the repercussions that they may have on our life. but God forgives us. he wipes our slate clean every day so that we can continue to live for him and to try to sin less and to learn from our sins. it is a difficult thing to learn to forgive. forgiving others and forgiving ourselves. but god wants us to leave the punishment up to him. it is not up to us to decide. God is a kind gentle God and he wants us to be happy every day and he forgives me so I don't have to walk around with the burden of carrying my every sin on my shoulders. now does this mean we shouldn't be remorseful? or think we can continue to sin over and over because God will forgive us? no but it does mean i should be able to move on from day to day without having to think i don't deserve something that someone else does because of the sins of my past. 

someone asked me if i am asked what i believe do i know what to say? do i have any doubts? and my answer is yes i know exactly what i believe. it is not wavering or changing in any way. but i continue to study the word and who God is daily so that i can be better at answering those tough questions. and realizing that there arent answers to all of those tough questions but like my post from a few days ago, just learning to love God for who he is and not what he does. we wont always agree with his decisions but we arent seeing the bigger picture like he is. he knows what hes doing so we just have to put our trust in him and no one else. 

thanks for reading, world wide web.

"no one makes you sad"-eli masso

Everytime I turn the conversation to something deeper
than the weather I can feel you all but shuttin' down
and when I need an explanation for the silence you just tell me
You don't wanna talk about it now.
What your not sayin' is comin' in loud and clear
We're at a crossroads here.

If i'm not the one thing you can't stand to lose
If i'm not that arrow to the heart of you.
If you don't get drunk, on my kiss
If you think you can do better than this,
Than I guess we're done.
Let's not drag this on...reba

luke bryan...

It's driving me crazy
This bein in the dark
Goodbye ain't never easy
So break it to me hard
If you're over my love

Lay it on my heart
Don't try to save me
Is someone else calling you baby?
 

two is better than one. boys like girls.

Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragements, and impossibilities. It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.

Thank you, Paul for this much appreciated and much needed quote. it came at the perfect time. 

the trip was amazing. i will briefly tell you the three weeks i spent in colorado were ridiculously amazing. i learned so much and had time to finish my website (work in progress, always). i spent so much time with the Lord and with people i care about and people i aspire to be like and look up to. i learned a lot about myself: who i am and who i want to be. i had time to THINK. to just be. to sit and look at the mountains and be in awe of all God has created. i had time to realize what i want. and also what i dont want for my life. it took a sabbatical to realize i wasnt on the path i wanted to be on. thinking about all the times i have let myself be led astray by people or things or my reactions to actions. its time to decide the right path for me. im so excited to be back in dallas and getting back on track with my life. i am in control of my life so i need to act like it. i need to show that i care which direction i go and put effort in doing so. glad to be coming back to a new job, fresh slate, my pub night bible study crew, my supportive family, and whatever else lies ahead. i know God has amazing things planned for my life and i am excited. its the first time in a long time i have felt just excited. im just happy. im happy in traffic. im happy grocery shopping. im happy working. im happy editing pictures. im happy. ive always been a happy person, but that JOY that only comes from God is what i feel more than i have felt it in a long time. and realizing that God didn't change, i did. 

(((excerpt from Plan B, by Pete Wilson:

We must decide if we are going to put our faith in what God does or in who God is. In this life, many of your questions will simply not have answers. If you place your faith in what God does, you'd better prepare yourself for frustration and disappointment because you're never going to figure out God's ways this side of heaven. That's because God is God! As he told the prophet Isaiah.

'Just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts' Isaiah 55:9

Why are you going through what you're going through? I dont know. Is what you're doing God's will for your life? I dont know. Will it be over soon? I dont know.

But through it all, God himself will never change. This is why our faith must rest on his identity and not necessarily his activity.

And who is he? He is the God who is faithful. He keeps promises. The God who is with us every moment and is in the process of working all things for good...Even when the bottom seems to be falling out. Even in the midst of Plan B, you really only have one task, one calling. And that is to do what you would do if you were confident God was with you.)))

K its me talking again...

God is a good God. and its great to see what he is doing in my life and the lives around me. and sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better. and sometimes we have doubts so we can believe again.*

after the three weeks in colorad0 (castle rock, denver, copper mountain, fort collins, vail, breckenridge, silverthorne) i headed to the 4 corners, moab to see arches national park, the grand canyon, las vegas, san diego, los angeles, back to san diego, then made the 23 hour drive home split between two days. the trip was amazing. i had so many plans to see people and do all sorts of things and i did a lot but God also opened and closed doors along the way. i saw who i was supposed to see and learned a lot and had a great time with people i love.

vail was amazing. i went to spend some time with some people i had only met a few times at the restaurant i was working at and we had a wonderful time. i completely fell in love with this family. i know God put them in my life for a reason. they are incredible people and i am so excited to have gotten to know them and now have the opportunity to continue our friendship back in dallas. i love you frebergs! ((my adopted family))

like how i said i will BRIEFLY tell you about my trip. ha.

ive barely touched on colorado. wait til i tell you about san diego.

im just torn on where to move next :) ha. maybe im just a restless soul.

i will say san diego sunshine is more appealing than that colorado cold. maybe i wont settle for one place. *perpetual travel*

ending note: what spoke to me most from March 23 One Year Bible reading:

Psalms 66: 1-20

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%2066:1-20&version=NIV

 ¹ Shout for joy to God, all the earth!
 ² Sing the glory of his name;
   make his praise glorious.
³ Say to God, “How awesome are your deeds!
   So great is your power
   that your enemies cringe before you.
⁴ All the earth bows down to you;
   they sing praise to you,
   they sing the praises of your name.”^[a]
 5 Come and see what God has done,
   his awesome deeds for mankind!
⁶ He turned the sea into dry land,
   they passed through the waters on foot—
   come, let us rejoice in him.
⁷ He rules forever by his power,
   his eyes watch the nations—
   let not the rebellious rise up against him.
 ⁸ Praise our God, all peoples,
   let the sound of his praise be heard;
⁹ he has preserved our lives
   and kept our feet from slipping.
¹⁰ For you, God, tested us;
   you refined us like silver.
¹¹ You brought us into prison
   and laid burdens on our backs.
¹² You let people ride over our heads;
   we went through fire and water,
   but you brought us to a place of abundance.
 ¹³ I will come to your temple with burnt offerings
   and fulfill my vows to you—
¹⁴ vows my lips promised and my mouth spoke
   when I was in trouble.
¹⁵ I will sacrifice fat animals to you
   and an offering of rams;
   I will offer bulls and goats.
 ¹⁶ Come and hear, all you who fear God;
   let me tell you what he has done for me.
¹⁷ I cried out to him with my mouth;
   his praise was on my tongue.
¹⁸ If I had cherished sin in my heart,
   the Lord would not have listened;
¹⁹ but God has surely listened
   and has heard my prayer.
²⁰ Praise be to God,
   who has not rejected my prayer
   or withheld his love from me!

if only you knew how loudly that spoke to me today....

take it in world wide web. will check back in soon.

 

worthless. me.

uhh hello...this was a blog to keep track of my travels and i didnt even tell you where all i went. sheesh. i thought the traveling was over, but boy was i wrong. back to colorado in 9 hours. will blog on the plane :)