heartbreak hotel

lets get back on track, eh?

this blog was not intended to tell the world wide web every time some guy hurt my feelers.

SABBATICAL sally. back on track.

literally.

im restless. thats what i do. i live. i love. i laugh. then i relocate and repeat steps 1-3 (brian mcknight, anyone?) :)
 
Back to One-Brian McKnight  -flash back to 6th grade!! Shout out to cody ryan, my first boyfriend! sigh*

(.......adderall is wearing off)

what was i saying?

o right...

i have no time to be blogging my little heart out because....... i am MOVING.

yes. its the second time i have loaded all my belongings into a 6' x 12' U-Haul cargo trailer and dragged it behind my 4runner to head west bound.

but moving is a relative term for someone like sabbatical sally. san francisco lasted a whopping 8 months.

san diego has the potential to last 1 day (my mom wishes) or 100 years (God, please take me before i reach the ripe old age of 124!)

silly questions ive been getting:

why are you moving to san diego?

           -who doesnt want to live in san diego? next question please.

how long are you going to live there?

          -how often do you move somewhere with all your shit in a uhaul and think... "this will be fun for a few weeks/months?" dumb. 

takin it a day at a time.

and my personal favorite...

 

are you taking your dogs?

            -no, im actually dropping them off at the pound on my way out of town...WHATT?? if you were moving would it be a logical question for someone to ask you "are you taking your children?" very dumb. 

here is where i apologize to anyone that is reading this that has asked me any of those questions! :) sorry!! hehe

mmk... back to packing up my life in brown boxes. 

night night, world wide web.

give in to me. leighton meester and garrett hedlund.

i've been somewhat judgmental of people who are with one person when they want to be with someone else. I kept pointing my finger and shaking my head... and even getting angry about it. it really turns me off. i just never want to be the girl that someone is with because they can't be with the girl they really wanna be with. How sad for all parties involved. this poor girl thinks she has an awesome boyfriend who is completely devoted to her, but actually he's just using her to suppress memories of the girl he wishes he was with? and hell, who knows. maybe shes doing it to him, too. so its a fake relationship based on being with the next best thing??

so while I was thinking about all that I stepped back and realized...

I was doing it, too.

It's real easy to get caught in a similar situation... The guy you want to be with is unavailable for one reason or the other (probably bc he is still hooked on his last girl) so you end up hanging out with someone else and all the sudden they have feelings for you and you're still thinking about mr. unavailable and here you are in the same predicament that you've been judging others for. So here's what I've decided.

My heart is set on you
I don’t want no one else
And if you don’t want me
I guess I’ll be all by myself

might seem silly to some people that you would just choose to be alone if you can't have the one you want but to me it makes perfect sense. Why would you continue this never ending cycle of hurting yourself and those around you when you could be the bigger person and just decide to deal with your shit on our own. can you not be alone? I'm not gonna bring someone else into this mess.

I know what I want. I know I can't have it. So I'll sit here and sulk for a minute then I'll get up and go to yoga and get on with my life. I'm not saying you should be alone forever. I'm just saying that I don't wanna be with anyone else until they make me feel as good as I did with him.

Giddy. Racing heart. Butterflies. Smile til it hurts.... I deserve that.

And the guy I'm with deserves for me to feel that way about him. and he should feel that way about me. And so. Until I find that "I guess I'll be all by myself"

this might seem dramatic or extreme, especially for the certain circumstance i am in. i mean i dont even think you could call it dating. and maybe i never even wanted him to be my boyfriend. and maybe hes not my dream guy. all i know is that the feeling that i get when i am with him, think about him, get a call/text from him...

that. is. wonderful.

and i dont know what it is about him that made me feel that way. but whatever it is. its addicting. and i want it. so if im gonna be with anyone- i want them to make me feel like that- i dont wanna live my life in a mediocre relationship with someone i think is nice and funny but doesnt give me butterflies when he walks into a room.

maybe i didnt believe in that feeling before, but now that i know it exists im not giving in til i have it.

 how bout them apples, world wide web?